Habibi's Lounge
1217A Commonwealth Avenue
Boston, MA 02134
(617) 955-2064
http://www.habibislounge.com/

Upon entering Habibi's Lounge, I kept thinking to myself, this looks like someone's cool basement. The only difference between your personal basement and the casual venue is the lounging strangers sitting on patterned sofas, mingling around, and  smoking hookahs.

While I am no stranger to venues with an international theme, this place came as a big surprise to me, or should I say, small surprise. Small as in the venue, and small as in the limited number of ways to pass your time other than by smoking hookah. However, as my first hookah experience, it wasn't too bad though I had my gripes about it's ambience and presentation.

For starters, the location of this place is a bit on the sketchy side. Located at the corner of Commonwealth Avenue and the Harvard Ave green line T stop where there are a lot of hagglers asking passerby's for money. So its definitely necessary to travel here in a group, but on the other hand, when are you really ever enticed to go to a lounge solo?  The lounge's website boasted it, "Boston's most authentic hookah bar." I thought, great - what an excellent place for a first-timer.When I got there however, I realized that the website's pictures were pretty deceiving. For instance, why have a photo of a belly dancer, if there are none in sight? Also, the pictures made the lounge appear bigger and more grandiose then it actually was (size-wise, my living room could compete). While I realize the primary objective when visiting a hookah lounge, some enticing extras never hurt. Having said that you should be warned that is Habibi's so not the place for extras. The venue has only a tiny offering of appetizers and cocktails and bigger selection would probably have improved my visit. 

As I left, slightly lightheaded from my mango and strawberry tobacco infusions, my date and I decided that while not completely up to my expectations, we won't completely write off Habibi's. With my impressions of the lounge now adjusted I can see what the place has to offer. The twenty five dollar hookah pipe charge is pretty affordable and the amount of hookah flavors were very impressive, everything from pineapple to peach, honey, to white passion fruit. So if you are looking for a hookah experience without the frills of decor and belly-dancing, Habibi's is for you.

In case you don't already know, artists are weird. They do strange things with paint (see: Jackson Pollock or Pablo Picasso), they think a lot about existence (see: Albert Camus), and sometimes they cut off their appendages (see: Vincent Van Gogh). But for all their peculiarities, they also know how to throw a party (see: Andy Warhol).

Tonight, while most of Boston will be recuperating from last night's festivites, the artsy folks at the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum will be celebrating the vernal equinox in style with their monthly installment of Gardner After Hours. An evening of art, live music, hors d'oeuvres and cocktails, this after-hours party is complete with intelligent conversation, stunning art, and an ethereal atmosphere, not to mention those tiny finger foods that go so well with a glass of wine, or possibly the "Madame Gautreau," a specialty cocktail from the museum's Courtside Bar. From 5:30 to 9:30 p.m. the museum transforms, offering attendees the opportunity not only to view the collection of Boston's most famous patron of the arts, but also to revel in the history of the museum while enjoying the musical performances held in its much-loved courtyard.

Tickets are just $12 for the general public and $5 if you happen to carry a student ID. They can be purchased online at www.gardnermuseum.org/afterhours/ or at the museum. Tickets will also be sold at the door, subject to availability.

In addition, the Gardner Museum is offering tickets to Gardner After Hours PLUS, which includes an exclusive musical performance with special guest Christian Wolff in addition to the general admission; these tickets are $23 for the public and $10 for students.

So remember, if you can manage to make it out of your room the day after St. Paddy's, you've still got some celebrating to do: the vernal equinox is upon us.

If you don't own anything with clovers and the thought of green beer makes you want to skip town, then Boston on St. Paddy's Day may be a little more than you can bear. But don't worry, you don't have to be Irish to enjoy a good beer and even though it happens to be Saint Patrick's day you can raise a pint to celebrate whoever or whatever you like!  There are bars, restaurants and pubs of all kinds around town that have a great beer selection and the perfect atmosphere for your mood. So, pull up a bar stool and settle in a while.

Redbones is a great BBQ joint with the perfect bar for the indecisive.  The selection is great and the dial-a-beer wheel is the best way to navigate the offerings if you are not sure what will quench your thirst. With 26 beers on tap, there is everything from the Opa Opa Vanilla Oak Porter cask conditioned beer to the revived Pabst Blue Ribbon.  Coming soon are Rogue Chocolate Stout, Boulder Planet Porter (Nitro Pour) and McNeill's Pullman's Porter.

Deep Ellum in Allston (not Dallas) is another great option. With 28 beers on draft and 80 or so bottles, variety is not a problem here either. You can sit back, relax and enjoy the Beer of the Gods from local brewers High and Mighty, a Hoppy Feet IPA made for Lexington importer Greg Berman by Mercury Brewing Company or a St. Ambroise Oatmeal Stout by, one of my favorite brewers, McAuslan Brewery out of Canada.  Enjoy a pretzel or two with some beer cheese for the full experience.  For a Guinness alternative, try the Coffee Haus Porter on draft from the Berkshire Brewing Company.

Another option is to bring some interesting beer home for a low key celebration.  It is definitely worth heading over to visit Meredith at Formaggio Kitchen and she'll walk you through some carefully selected beers for the season.  Meredith hand selects a range of interesting beers from local Pretty Things to California's The Bruery.

For a total beer experience, Sunset Grill and Tap should not be missed.  With 112 beers on tap and more than 300 microbrews, your biggest problem will be making a decision.  Don't worry though because you're out to enjoy a refreshing beer and the bar staff are ready to help you navigate their pages and pages of beer options.

For something brand spanking new test the waters at American Craft in Brookline.  With a focus on "American excellence" they have 40 draught lines featuring small batch American breweries as well as a rotation of rare, vintage, and seasonal bottled craft beer.  Another new and popular option is Lord Hobo in Cambridge

For a tasting evening and some better than average pub food there is John Harvard's Brew House a New England "mini chain" that brews their own beers.  The Harvard Square location has a great vibe and a lot of energy.  You can come here to drink a few with friends or even grab a bite and raise a glass with the parents.  If you're new to the world of beer or you just want a sample of John Harvard's offerings, the sampler comes on a long wooden tray with four 4-ounce servings of beers picked by the brewer.  

For a more unique tasting experience, head to Tamo for their Flight Night Special. Every Thursday from 5-8 pm a flight of beer and Seaport sliders are available for $12. Then head out afterwards to the Institute for Contemporary Art (ICA) which just happens to be free on Thursday nights from 5-9 pm.

Okay so let's talk about the shamrock in the room.  It is March and you just need to give a little nod to St. Paddy's Day, but you don't have to have green beer.  The solution is a nice double poured Guinness.  Keiran McWilliam of the Irish VIllage was nice enough to walk me through the much debated double pour. 

For the perfect pint of Guinness you need a clean, dry tulip or Imperial glass. The Guinness is poured at a 45 degree angle until 2/3 full then sits for the cascade while the bubbles seemingly travel down the side of the glass. Finally the glass is topped off.  McWilliam has been pouring Guinness for over 20 years and remembers his first Guinness back home in Ballyconneely in Connemara, Ireland. The double pour ensures a consistent pint, perfect presentation and a better experience.  No matter how busy the bar gets, the pour remains the same.  Other favorite spots for a Guinness around town are:  James's Gate in Jamaica Plain, The Druid in Cambridge, The Burren in Somerville, Flann O'Briens in Mission Hill, The Black Rose downtown, O'Leary's in Brookline, The Plough and Stars or totally local and unique, Paddy's 34 in Cambridge.  Paul Barry at Grafton Street in Cambridge pours a great pint too.

Cheers! Sláinte!

Apple began taking preorders for its state-of-the-art iPad today. The morning began with a closed online store featuring a sticky note stating that the network server would be up in the coming hours and orders would be taken for the April 3, 2010 delivery of this sophisticated, cross-medium device.

Marketed as the conjunction between the ever-popular iPhone and Apple's widely used laptop computers, the ten inch tall device weighs less than two pounds and offers Wi-Fi and touch screen access. Prices begin at under $500 and move to just under $900 for the fully loaded model. With ten hours of consistent run-time, the iPad also hosts a full line of apps and accessories.

Gypsy Bar
116 Boyslton Street
Boston, MA 02116
617.482.7799
gypsybarboston.com

Kim Kardashian will be in Boston on Friday, March 12 to host a party at Gypsy bar.

The sexy celebutant will be doing what she does best - getting paid to party. But for $20 you can secure your ticket and maybe even a chance to see the famous femme and her even more famous assets. Ahem.

For a chance to get close to the action you can log on to Gypsy Bar's Facebook page because 1 lucky FB fan will win a free table and tickets for 4 friends.

There's nothing quite like St. Patty's Day in Boston. Go to Ireland: they get all pious and holy; go to The Vatican: and all the Roman Catholics are saying their prayers; Anywhere else in the world they don't even know what you're talking about. But in the United States, when it comes to this particular day, Americans do what they've always done on holidays religious, national, historical, or otherwise: claim it as their own and throw one hell of a party!

Of course, living in Boston, you have to be completely daft to have missed that we are the original and unmatched Mecca for all things Irish-American. St. Patty's may not be a public holiday anywhere else in the country, but here, it is a serious drinking holiday, and I know many a Bostonian willing to call in "sick" for an early start at the bar.

Here is a crash-course to Boston's best celebratin' neighborhoods, each well-worth a visit on Boston's favorite holiday. In the spirit of responsibility we're pointing out public transportation access points near each. (We all want to make it home for the next-day hangover don't we?)

Neighborhood: Southie

Access: Red Line -Broadway stop

St. Patty's Day Parade

The fact that St. Patty's Day falls on a Wednesday is no great deterrent for Boston's most Irish neighborhood. The famous Southie will kick off celebrations this Sunday with the oldest St. Paddy's Day parade in America. The parade kicks off at 1 pm and will no doubt have its attendees feeling the Irish spirit until the wee hours of morning... Thursday morning that is.

From the Broadway T stop, wander down West Broadway to Amrheins Restaurant  (80 W. Broadway), a Southie mainstay since 1890 that will feature Irish step dancers, mixed drinks, and their famous boiled dinner in honor of the occasion. Heading away from the T, you'll run into the Blackthorn Bar (471 W. Broadway), where WFNX will cover the parade on Sunday and live music will be featured on Wednesday at no charge. Of course, as a St. Paddy's Day requisite, the Blackthorn and all other bars I mention have at least Guinness on tap.

To get off the beaten path, head down L Street to the L Street Tavern (658 E. 8th Street), another popular Southie bar you might remember from selected scenes in Good Will Hunting. This neighborhood dive is an excellent choice on any night, but with live music and Irish entertainment all day long, not to mention drinks on the very cheap, there's no better place to celebrate the holiday than the L Street.  It's recommended that you grab yourself a Guinness and a seat before the cover charge goes into effect; along with every other bar in Southie on St. Paddy's Day, the place can get crowded quickly.

Finally, as you near the corner of Dorchester and West 8th, you'll approach Sullivan's Pub (238 Dorchester Street), one of the most authentic South Boston establishments at which to find yourself on March 17th. A working-class, kitsch-laden Irish bar, the pub will charge no cover on St. Patty's, but will be open at 8 a.m. to help you get an early start on the day's debauchery. With the exception of L Street Tavern, all of these establishments also fall on the parade route, so if you're looking for a St. Paddy's Day trial run, Sunday's mood is sure to be equally as celebratory and, again, should you choose to celebrate the holiday like Boston's Irish, it's recommended that you arrive well before noon.

Neighborhood: Back Bay

Access: Green Line -Hynes Convention Center stop

Though you may not have guessed it, the Boylston strip contains a small and unlikely collection of solid Irish establishments. Coming from the T stop at Hynes Convention Center, head down Boylston to McGreevy's  (911 Boylston Street), where the Dropkick Murphys will be partying all week, starting March 12 with the release of their new CD, Live on Lansdowne. McGreevy's will also be hosting "St. Practice Day" on the 16th and, of course, one hell of a St. Patty's bash the following day, smack dab in the middle of the week. Best of all? St. Paddy's Day brunch begins at 8 a.m., and Irish breakfast is served all day, along with Guinness BBQ wings and 20-ouncers of Magners. Enjoy.

And should you stumble out of McGreevy's, you can always stumble right in to Lir (903 Boylston Street), another Irish pub just next door, where Dublin steak tips and, of course, Guinness are on the menu. With a huge, open storefront and two floors of debauchery, the place opens at 11 a.m. and is likely to fill up quick on Wednesday, so get there before the evening to avoid a cover charge.

From Lir, you have two options. You can head further down Boylston to one of my personal favourites, Solas  (710 Boylston Street), a wee, laid-back Irish pub just beside the Lenox Hotel with phenomenal Shepherd's Pie and Smithwick's on tap (Remember:  this is pronounced "Smittick's." Enunciate your "th" and you run the risk of being shunned or, at the very least, misunderstood). But if you're feeling more rambunctious, make your way from Boylston down Massachusetts Avenue toward Beacon Street, where you'll find Crossroads Irish Pub (495 Beacon Street) and some of the best pizza you'll ever have - yes, at an Irish pub - not to mention a handful of the staff who speak with an Irish lilt. The doors open at 11 a.m. but, again, arrive before 6 o'clock to avoid the $10 cover charge.

Neighborhood: Financial District

Access: Blue Line - State stop

With St. Patty's Day in the middle of the work week, the Financial District will be a unique mingling of business folks and drunken stumblers sharing it's narrow, winding streets. However, it promises to have some of the best entertainment in the city, both inside and outside these bars. Stop into McFadden's (148 State Street) any time after 8 a.m. for the traditional Irish-American version of the holiday, complete with green beer, jello shots, and an Irish car bomb station, as well as live Irish music, bag pipers, and fire eaters. True, there will be a $20 cover to get in, but green beer and fire? You get what you pay for on St. Paddy's.

But if you prefer not to have food coloring in your beer, cross the street and stop into the Black Rose  (160 State Street), where the doors will be open at 6 a.m. for you to get the earliest head start you possibly can. WFNX will be broadcasting there live and the New York-based Irish rock band, "Black 47" will be performing at 9 a.m. Cover charges will vary throughout the day but can get up to around $25 at pique times, so if you plan on heading into the Black Rose, as always, the earlier the better.

Last, but not least is Mr. Dooley's Boston Tavern  (77 Broad Street), where breakfast begins at 9 a.m. Irish folk musicians Patsy Whelan and Paul Kenny will be performing from 2 p.m. until close and, as always, there will be more beer, booze, and pub food than you can shake a stick at. Cover charge is $25 for this event, but I am of the belief that you can never really put a price on good Irish music and a well-poured Guinness. Erin Go Bragh.

The Coolidge Corner Theatre
290 Harvard St,
Brookline, MA 02446
www.coolidge.org

Boston's most beloved independent movie theatre provides more than just your average cinematic experience. Their partnership with Austin-based company, The Action Pack, presents an interactive viewing experience. With events like sing-alongs and quote-alongs to cult favorites such as the Blues Brothers, Pulp Fiction, and (most recently) Moulin Rouge, even the most skiddish of patrons can't help but tap their feet and hum their clasic film favorites.

Upon entering the theatre on February 12, attendees were given props to enhance the viewing experience.  Each prop was to be used during a certain song in Baz Luhrmann's musical epic Moulin Rouge.  Green glowsticks were cracked and waved around as Ewan McGregor's Christian takes his first sip of Absinthe and hallucinates the animation of the bottle's green fairy.  Balloons bounced around the audience when Nicole Kidman's character Satine swings and shakes around the Moulin Rouge to "Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend."  When Christian and Satine fall in love atop the elephant while fireworks explode in the background, the audience made their own fireworks with party poppers.  Lastly, and most dramatically, colorful plastic eggs filled with popcorn kernels were shaken vigorously throughout Christian's jealous rendition of "Roxanne."

The sing-along events are not limited to musical movies, but also include medleys from Michael Jackson, and R Kelly's Trapped In the Closet hip-hopera.  As the clock ticked down to Valentine's Day, Total Eclipse of the Heart had attendees dancing and partying to love songs of the 80's. Giving a hint of a Heathers quote-along in the near future, Coolidge Corner will once-again be the destination for movie buffs and hipsters alike. 

Sing-alongs and quote-alongs at the Coolidge Corner Theatre are a bonding experience for all who attend.  The words to each song throughout the movie are streamed across the bottom of the screen just in case, by some chance, someone forgets them.  And, unlike bar karaoke, you're never stranded alone on stage in bad lighting. At any given time there are at least 400 people to back you up.

In nightlife parlance, we sometimes call it dressing to the nines:  short skirts, low-cut tops, sport jackets, fancy shoes, copious amounts of make-up and cologne. Male or female, there is an art to getting dressed for a night on the town. But more often than not, the "nines" starts out fun and adventurous at 11 p.m. but by the wee hours of the morning you're sporting a $200 beer-stained shirt and limping home in your four-inch heels.

Let me be frank: when it comes to the "nines," I am a no-nonsense kind of girl. Do I enjoy dressing up every now and again? Absolutely. But there are also some of us who, when given the chance, would rather spend an evening dressed to about the "twos": Chucks and a t-shirt, nursing a wallet-friendly PBR, and playing darts in a bar that probably does not meet health codes. I'm talking the cash-only, no-website, gender-imbalanced and male-heavy establishments we've come to know and love as dives. In Boston, there are more than a few - probably enough to outnumber the swanky, high-end martini bars of the world, but not all shabby establishments are created equal. Here are a few of the seediest, strangest, and most noteworthy dives in the Greater Boston area.

The Tam
222 Tremont
St.Chinatown/Theatre District

Bordering the sketchy outskirts of Chinatown on one side and the class of the Theatre District on the other, the dark green and inexplicably named Tam is just a stone's throw from Boston Common. Clad in all manner of Budweiser paraphernalia - calendars, drink specials, neon lights - the bar can get a healthy crowd of college students, working-class guys, and anyone from any walk of life on a Friday night. Multiple televisions are visible from the lengthy bar as well as additional plastic high tops, the kind that attach to the wall and are common in cafeteria-style dining. Though the Tam doesn't serve food, these tables tend to attract groups of patrons looking to chat and enjoy the musical styling of the bar's jukebox  (a dive essential.) Further inspection also reveals a dark corner in the back illuminated only by the screens of Ms. Pac-Man and Big Buck Hunter. Behind the bar is a well-placed paper-and-Sharpie sign that sums up both the booze availability and overall philosophy of the establishment:  "What you get is what you see." A little backwards as far as the saying goes, but truthful nonetheless.

Cantab Lounge
738 Massachusetts Ave.
Central Square
(617) 354-2685
www.cantab-lounge.com

If there is anywhere you can feel comfortable past midnight in Central Square, it's the Cantab. A small, cozy space not far from the Red Line, the Cantab has gained acclaim over the years for its laidback atmosphere and live music. The perfect place for aspiring musicians and music enthusiasts alike, the Cantab offers cheap drinks and a nice view of the makeshift stage, one that has seen both local and national stars - national bluegrass stars, that is. The Bluegrass Jam on Tuesday nights often brings in a sizable crowd and is one of my personal favorites. Do I like bluegrass? Of course not. But the band, a rotating group of banjos and fifty-something musicians, cycles through the stage all night, providing a soundtrack to these casual evenings. And when the musicians aren't playing, they're sitting right beside you, shooting the breeze and having a drink, enjoying the music of their fellow music-makers just as much as you are. The entire night is, in fact, one big, friendly get-together that has the potential to turn you into a fan of strange, twangy music you never thought to appreciate.

TC's Lounge
1 Haviland St.
Back Bay
(617) 247-8109

TC's Lounge reminds me of hanging out in someone's basement. That is, of course, if I knew somebody who kept candy dispensers, a claw machine full of porn, and a collection of rude signage in the nether regions of their house. Low-ceilinged and a little cramped, TC's is just small enough to feel comfortable but still big enough to be a real bar. Located down an alley off Mass. Ave., the cash-only establishment offers a more spacious set of tables near the bar, which is decorated with phrases such as "Don't Be a Dick" and the ever-pleasant "If I Wanted to Hear From an A-hole..." (I'll let you finish that one with your imagination). Further back, TC's proves its ability to utilize every inch of its close quarters by throwing several tables in a tiny nook and decorating every inch of the walls and ceiling with Polaroids from the ‘90s and old beer ads. While it may be a tight squeeze, TC's is a fun-filled time, home to a younger crowd in their 20s and 30s. By the time you've sat down, rubbed elbows, breathe and been breathed on by everyone within a five-foot radius, you'll relax, unwind, and embrace the closeness of the atmosphere. I would kill for a basement like this.

 Drinking Fountain
3520 Washington St.
Jamaica Plain
(617) 522-3424

On a quiet street punctuated by gas stations and car dealerships, the Drinking Fountain is your average working-class suburban dive. With potato chips ($0.75) and gum ($0.35) for sale, and "X-rated martinis" advertised via finger paint, you wouldn't think much of it at first. But Drinking Fountain has its own personal touch, with more Keno cards and half-sized golf pencils than you can shake a stick at, not to mention a pool table that stays busy throughout the night. What's more, everyone is remarkably friendly. I've been to a dive or two in my day where both the staff and the customers make you feel about as welcome as shit on their shoes, but in the strange microcosm that is Jamaica Plain everyone is infectiously pleasant. At one point I  accidentally mistook the woman behind the bar for a bartender (silly me), only to have her reply, "Oh no, I'm just the Keno lady. But don't worry, I'll get that for you, no problem." I can't think of anything more welcoming than the Keno lady serving up a beer. At the end of the day, there's no place I'd rather be than playing pool, swilling PBR, and pondering what exactly is in an X-rated martini.

Silhouette Lounge
200 Brighton Ave.
Allston
(617) 254-9306

As you may already know, you can't swing a dead cat in Allston without hitting a dive bar. They're everywhere in the neighborhood, coming out of the woodwork like garbage, rats, and college kids. But only a precious few of these establishments really make a trip down the Green Line worthwhile, including the Silhouette Lounge. Voted Best Dive Bar in 2009 by Boston Magazine, Silhouette, on the corner of Allston St. and Brighton Ave., is decorated with murals of Greats long past:  James Dean, Muhammad Ali, Snoopy. Inside, the crowd is a mix of young professionals and working-class guys. There is free popcorn available - let it be known that free food is always a plus - and, for the small price of holding your ID, darts can be rented for the back room, where a set of dartboards lines the wall opposite the bar, which has a tiny service window so that you don't have to loop back around to get yourself another $7 pitcher of PBR. The décor is pretty standard and unremarkable:  Christmas lights and neon beer paraphernalia, rock music in the background, and a faint scent of B.O. but for some reason, Silhouette just functions so well that you can't help but think of it as a classic go-to dive.

Have you ever wanted to feel cool and be invited to a secret party? Well, here's your chance: Tiger Beer is throwing a huge Lunar New Year bash at secret location in Chinatown this Friday, February 26.

Besides the free Tiger Beer and Asia Dog hotdogs - Tittsworth, Justine D, Egg Foo Young, and Tiny Pants will be spinning records all night for you to dance your ass off to.

It's free entry with RSVP to www.tigeroftheyear.com and the location details will be revealed at the last minute. So lay out your party dress, familiarize yourself with the lunar calendar, and get ready to rage ...

Good Units
356 West 58th Street
Manhattan, New York  10019
212-554-6000

EVENT CANCELED DUE TO SNOW

What better time to throw the opening party for your new venue/night spot than Fashion Week, are we right? And what a party it's going to be.

The venue itself has been transformed from humble gym into nightlife contender by none other than Robert McKinley, who is responsible for such revered haunts Surf Lodge, Cain Luxe, and GoldBar. The final touches are still underway, but people are chomping at the bit to get a peek at the Hudson's new basement neighbor. The consensus seems to be that this place is going for something different. For now, let's call it a sophisticated basement party vibe. 

Of course you want to hear about the party now: Giant Step is bringing in Amanda Blank, Daniel Merriweather, and Ebony Jones for a little, you know, light entertaining. If that weren't enough, DJ Moni will be spinning all the danceable ear candy you could want. It's free to get in, but RSVP is required. Not bad for a Wednesday night.

Photo taken by Steve Lewis of BlackBookMag.com

I'm not sure exactly where to start. I haven't written in a long time, and I am not sure why. It definitely isn't due to a lack of things happening. I haven't fallen into a pit of self-loathing or been sitting at home for days on end watching Rock Of Love reruns on VH1 while testing out various kinds of microwave popcorn, convinced the next one may really taste exactly like Movie Theater Popcorn...ok well the second scenario may have been true, but alas, I just haven't been inspired to write.

They say some things are better left to memory, and while I wish I could say this was the reasoning behind my absence, those that know me, and how many pictures I like to take, will call my bluff. So yeah, this blog could just be the ramblings of another flight to Los Angeles with nothing to do but try and stretch in a cramped seat and read countless gossip mags about Kim Kardashian's new bikini body and her diet secrets. If there is one thing I have learned from my years of pitiful airport consumption of trashy tabloids, it is that no diet secret actually exists and that cellulite is simply genetic. So here is Lindsay Luv's secret to dieting, one that I rarely adhere to yet feel is foolproof in theory: Stop EATING Everything. It truly is that simple. A colonic is a just an especially big shit, and diet pills are a just fancy speed. If your heart is faster than a speeding bullet or your shit is on fire, then chances are you will either die from a heart attack or sheer embarrassment.

So, I've trailed off, but I warned you that I wasn't sure where I would begin or what I had to say, and apparently that led to colonics, which is a procedure I haven't tried but can live surely live without. And all this body talk leads finally to a topic of interest which would be my recent experience as Lady Gaga's fit model. 

It is widely known that I am avid enthusiast of the wild and endangered species that is Miss Lady Gaga. In one daring fete of romantic endeavors, one of my past potential suitors went on a hot pursuit of a signed Lady Gaga CD for my wall. While our love lasted only 3 dates and endured an awkward kiss on the cheek and duck maneuver, Romeo was almost successful in his attempt to win my heart with my very own personally signed CD. He was, alas, very disappointed that I was only googoo for Gaga, so while our budding romance crashed and burned, my CD will last forever. He told me to call him and she told me to "Enjoy the Fame"...

While Romeo and I have since lost contact, my career has made a nice little climb, and I might say that I am indeed enjoying my newfound fame, even if it is simply a creepy guy from Myspace "recognizing" me at one of my DJ gigs. But hey, it's a start.

So anyways, one day I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, hand deep inside a bag of my latest buttery delight, Pop Secret's "Homestyle" blend, thinking about how I might one day get my own show on Oxygen creatively titled "Rock of LUV," when my iPhone lit up with a message that changed the course of life as I knew it. Mike Furey, one half of hot Warner Bros record band Dangerous Muse, was curious if I would be up for meeting with Lady Gaga's head tour costume designer to stand-in as her fit model. He believed we had the same body measurements and that I would be a perfect "fit" - no pun intended. I threw the popcorn across the room in disgust. How dare I continue to savor those buttery little delights when I had the chance to be the human mannequin for the most talked about and biggest pop star today?!?! Visions of corsets, Kermit the Frog and fake blood danced in my head. I had 24 hours to meet with legendary designer Zaldy to see if I indeed would be the perfect mold for ass and titties that sold 5 hit singles to date. 

Some might say this wasn't that big of a deal. Those people would be dumb. Imagine being the fit model for Madonna or Michael Jackson for the costumes of their first solo tour, Imagine being the hand that tested out the first silver glove or the tit that held the first cone...Exactly. 

As I approached the studio, I realized I would be meeting with the same Zaldy who created LAMB alongside Gwen Stefani and was designing the costumes for Michael Jackson's last tour before his untimely death. Zaldy is one of the top names for cutting edge design, and also the head designer for Gaga's first solo tour. As I entered the stark white room, with one big wooden table full of fabric slabs and a wall filled with thousands of inspiration magazine cutouts, I realized I was about to be part of history. This was not the time to be shy, so with everyone eagerly looking at me to remove my clothes I realized I should've been running all these months instead of contemplating Brett Michael's mullet. I threw my shirt to the floor and let the design team drape me in corsets and measuring tape. Phrases like "You have a 26 inch waist and Lady Gaga has 25" were thrown around and I was a little bit surprised when they even measured my ankles. I felt like fashion cattle. I was pretty darn close and was proud of my ability to hold my breath without dying in a corset when, just as I was feeling ready to take on a new side job as Lady Gaga's fit model, they had me remove my heels and exclaimed, "Wait, you are too tall!"

Damn you, Dad, and all the tall people in my family who have cursed me with this 5'6" frame! How dare they? All my life I had wanted to reach my full capacity of 5'9" as predicted by my pediatrician and wondered why God wouldn't let me reach my full potential, and here I was in one minute cursing my mere towering frame to the tiny miss Gaga. The corset was ripped from my chest and suddenly I felt like I just had a one night stand and was rushing to grab my stuff off the floor and escape without any awkward goodbyes. At least that's the way it looks in the movies, I wouldn't know.

I threw on my clothes as the design team lamented how they thought "I was going to be perfect" and ushered me to the door. Later that night, I received a text message from Mike Furey simply saying, "You are special, be glad you are no one else's mold."

And as I sat with a half smile on my face and a freshly popped bag of Newman's Own Ultra Butter, I looked up at Gaga's signed CD on my wall and told her, "I will enjoy my fame, it's all mine, and there is a better view up here."

What walks like a Macbook, jams like and iPod, smells like uh, no news on how it smells, starts at $499, and looks like a giant iPhone? That would be the iPad, Apple's effort to bridge the gap between the smart phone and the laptop.

With its focus on graphics, multimedia, and wi-fi connectivity, the touch screen device is intended to become the premier way to navigate the increasingly multimedia web experience. From the demo videos floating around, the multi-touch screen seems well suited to that task. On top of that, a 10 hour battery life makes the device supremely mobile. The large HD display lends the device to gaming and ebooks, two things that Apple has had its sights on for awhile now.

Not everyone was thrilled with the announcement. #iTampon and #iMaxipad quickly became two of the most popular tags on Twitter. Most of the negative reaction seems to stem from the fact that many of the primary features of the iPad would seem pretty familiar to anyone that's used an iPhone or iPod Touch, leading to questions about just how "revolutionary" the new device is. Unconfirmed Flash support and the omission of a multi-tasking feature have also raised eyebrows (see Spock above).

Once the public gets their hands on the device, plays around with it awhile, and gets to make up their own minds, the fate of the iPad will become clearer. If nothing else, this is a powerful demonstartion of a new type of device that nobody knew they needed yet. Some may still need a bit more convincing.

Ever left your credit card at the bar? Of course not. Well for that friend of yours that's always doing that, the makers of the TabbedOut app want to help.

This new app is poised to change the way you pay for drinks. The application syncs up directly with the computer system at the participating bar or restaurant you're patronizing, making it possible to view your bill, pay, and tip through your phone. How handy is that? Still in its testing stages, the app isn't available in NYC quite yet. Yet. But this means we can all look forward to a future free of squinting at faintly printed receipts in dim bar light. Progress, indeed.

This Sunday upwards of 1,000 people will board the subway, look around, and quietly remove their pants. No, this isn't the annual March of the Perverts (that's the next Sunday), it's the 9th Annual No Pants Subway Ride. Doubling as social experiment and chance for hilarity, this event has become a January tradition for many, with attendance increasing exponentially each year.

This event is organized by Improv Everywhere, which you may remember from I Love Lunch! The Musical, and they have been so kind as to set up meeting points and a list of guidelines to ensure you have both a safe and fun pantsless ride. Be sure to read them, if you plan on attending. They've really put alot of thought into riding the subway sans pants. After the success of last year's event, they're expecting this to be the biggest year ever, even though the temperature might not rise above freezing. That's true dedication.

2009 was a banner year for buzzwords. After 365 days of "tweeting," "Obamacising" (?) "sexting," and "bromancing," the word police at Lake Superior University (I've totally heard of it before, too) concocted a list of popular words and phrases from 2009 they would like to eliminate from the common lexicon.

The words and phrases that inspired their ire seem split evenly among bro talk ("chillaxin"), brand coding ("app"), and the economic crisis ("toxic assets"). The use of "friend" as a verb also made the list. I appreciate the sentiment, but "befriended" just doesn't have the same ring to it. Notable nominations for the chopping block from last year include "maverick," appending the work monkey to the end of an internet screen name, and... "first dude." That one may be a Michigan thing. Who knows?

It goes without saying that unlike most of the word banning crusades of the last few years, this list is mainly for giggles, so Orwellian watchdogs, the purposefully offensive, and middle schoolers shouldn't be worried. There's no predicting what new nonsense words 2010 will bring. In the mean time, you might try adopting an old word that's fallen out of use. You never know, it could become the next "green."

On Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings of my last quarter of college, you could find me slumped in my chair, glowering, and thoroughly hating every moment of the Philosophy of Language class I was forced to take. And if it weren't for unlimited text messaging, I don't think I could have made it through. Without fail, I'd spend each class texting different friends, telling them to meet me at the campus pub after class. (So what if it was only 11:30am. That's what campus pubs are for). The ability to communicate silently, thumbs clicking away under my desk or behind my stack of books, kept me sane throughout my professor's infuriating discourse on the dialectical tension between Wittgenstein and Bleak House. Text messaging is an invaluable tool that, for this reason alone, I'm forever grateful for. Now, TellMyCell is taking advantage of the popularity of, and people's reliance on, text messaging.

More and more, SMS Marketing helps clubs, bars, and restaurants get the word out about upcoming events. Mobile coupons build customer loyalty and last minute, instantly sent and delivered text message blasts can bring in patrons on slow night.

A lot of companies offer text message marketing services, but we really like what TellMyCell has to offer. They call themselves ‘The Mobile Marketing Company' and we agree. If you own a bar, restaurant, club, or any other business you need to check out their SMS marketing solutions.

Since coming to the United States in 1992 and revolutionizing the New York City nightlife scene with the legendary Tuesday Baby Tuesday party, Alon Jibli has been one of the most influential people in the industry for almost twenty years. Unlike too many people in his profession, Jibli stands out as a genuinely nice and gracious guy in a sea of sleazy promoters. We split a delicious asparagus and mushroom pizza, a favorite item at his latest business venture, Barbounia (and "very bad for his diet"), and spoke about the ins and outs of New York nightlife and his plans for the future.

A member of the club scene since the age of 15, Jibli quickly learned the ropes and began running nightclubs by the time he turned 18. He moved to New York City when he was 21 and began promoting for Tatou. "What brought me here is what's been bringing everybody here for the last 300 years," he says, "the American dream." Like many people who come to New York City for the first time, Jibli was overwhelmed by the city's sheer size: "I thought New York was too big. Massive. Fast and big." Most of us can relate.

But despite New York's titanic size and speed, Jibli has called the city home for close to 20 years. "The best thing about New York is the fact that you can be anybody you want to be, regardless of color, sex, or religion, and be accepted. I think it's the only city in the world that you can be really comfortable with whoever you are." It's a reminder that although it's relatively easy to feel alienated in a city like New York, everyone has a niche here. It's a place where, literally, there's something for everyone. "It's only a matter of crossing a bridge or tunnel that everything changes all of a sudden, and you won't be accepted for who you are," Jibli explains. "The whole city was built by immigrants and is constantly being driven by combinations of locals and immigrants. It's amazing that everybody can be comfortable."

Even though he was a newcomer in a different country and culture (and living in one of the biggest, busiest cities in the world, no less), Jibli got straight to work. He spent four years (quite a long time, actually, for the nightlife industry) at Tatou working tirelessly on Tuesday Baby Tuesday, a weeknight party that's still going strong 17 years after it began, making it one of the most successful and long-running parties in New York. These days, it's at Marquee. "Rain or shine," Jibli says, "we have hundreds of people in the club. Anywhere from 500 to 800 people." Quite an accomplishment, especially for a Tuesday night. But Jibli saw Tuesdays as both a challenge and an opportunity for big business. "I think one of the reasons why it became so successful is the fact that no one really wanted to deal with doing something on a Tuesday night. It's a very difficult night to produce." Jibli also attributes the success of Tuesday Baby Tuesday to "a combination of a little bit of everything. Hard work. And you had people from all walks of life coming together. A little bit from the fashion industry and a little bit from entertainment. A little bit of young folks coming from colleges...It was everything that came together and made perfect sense."

Despite the ongoing popularity of Tuesday Baby Tuesday, Jibli believes that the nightlife scene in New York has taken a turn for the worse since the 90s. "New York in the 90s was what nightlife should be," he says. "It was fun. There was no bottle service. It was very real. It was about pleasing the customer in terms of entertainment. The appearance of bottle service, which actually improved nightlife in terms of income, kind of changed the attitude. It wasn't about quality or the customer any more. A customer was only valued based on how much money was in their pocket. So it made the club a pretty boring place in terms of nightlife. It was very awkward."

I read once that Mark "the godfather" Baker had called promoting an "art form." I asked Jibli for his thoughts on the comment, and while he did say "he's probably right," he was much more effusive about the man himself. "I love Mark," he said. "When I moved to the country almost 20 years ago, he was my role model. He's probably the nicest, most elegant person in the industry. He will treat you, no matter who you are, with nothing but respect." His approbation of Baker aside, Jibli is generally disillusioned with most people in the entertainment industry, saying "I don't admire people in our industry, although I think some of my friends in the industry are brilliant people. Scientists and people who spend their entire day, for literally no money, trying find a cure for disease, or people that spend most of their day volunteering; those are the people I admire. I don't admire people like me."

His feelings toward the current club scene being what they are, he warns those aspiring to become promoters about the perils of jumping headfirst into the industry. "Don't start," he advises. However, Jibli is every bit appreciative of the platform that promoting has given him, and the opportunities and friendships that have come his way as a result. "Take it as a business. It's not a matter of having fun, it's a matter of running a business. Promoting is an amazing stage because you get to know so many people, and you can promote yourself and learn to do other things in the business. For example, I have a restaurant. And I'm building another restaurant. And I'm talking to people about starting a consulting company. I would not be able to do all this if I were not a promoter.  Even as a restaurant owner, or a consulting company owner, I'm still a promoter. I'm always going to be a promoter. I don't think you can succeed in life without the ability to promote yourself and your business."

While one might think that promulgating typically hedonistic clubs and events probably isn't the most morally edifying profession, he speaks sincerely about its rewards. Jibli is both grateful for and humbled by the love and support that he has received from the friends he's made throughout his career. Such support has enabled him to "open a business such as Barbounia. I told everybody that I opened a restaurant, and so many people were so supportive. To see that you've made all these connections throughout the years and that you've met so many people from all walks of life...You'd been nice to them once or twice and they've never stopped giving back to you. It's really beautiful to see happen, and I'm nothing but thankful to all the people that have supported me and Barbounia and many other things that I've done. It brings me so much joy."

As for Barbounia, the charmingly chic and impressively sweeping pan-Mediterranean restaurant in Flatiron, Jibli's enthusiasm for it is almost preciously apparent. "The opportunity [to get involved] came my way about a year ago. I loved the room, and I had really wanted to work with [Executive Chef Efraim Naon] for some time." Chef Naon is the first Israeli chef in New York City to be awarded 2 stars by the New York Times, "a massive achievement," as Jibli puts it. "He is definitely the most gifted chef that I've come across in my life. I knew that I could bring a lot of people into the restaurant, but what brings them back is the quality of the food and the service." His philosophy as a restaurateur revolves around the customer's experience: "You have to be in your restaurant. You have to be in touch with your customers. They're your friends."

Barbounia, named for the small red mullet fish known for being one of the best tasting fish in the sea, offers diners a menu that takes "a little bit from everywhere: Turkey, Greece, Morocco, France, Israel, and Italy," Chef Naon says. The restaurant serves barbounia "sometimes, when it's available. But it's difficult to find, they're really small. The big ones you can find, but we won't eat those. We're trying to stay authentic."

Barbounia's success and Jibli's entrepreneurial instinct are keeping him busier than ever and looking for new ways to expand his business. In addition to the aforementioned consulting company, Jibli says that he is working on another restaurant for summer 2010. "I'm working with my partnership [at Barbounia]. We're looking at a spot on the Lower East Side, which we believe is an amazing area." Also, "if I can get the right location, and a bit more time on my hands, I'm thinking of doing a club. But extremely different from what New York has to offer now." If all goes as planned, Jibli will be able to transport NYC club goers back to a better time; specifically, back to the 90s. Jibli is also exploring scenes and neighborhoods across the bridge: "There are plenty of things going on in Brooklyn and Williamsburg. I went to a loft party a month ago in Williamsburg. I don't know where but it was, but it was probably the best party I've been to in the last 6 months, the best scene I've seen under one roof in a long long time."

Jibli likes to start his day with "a little bit of water,a double cappuccino, and little bit of House music to wake [him] up." And although I expected his (or any promoter's) personal soundtrack to consist mainly of the latest House tracks, he "hasn't stopped listening to Pink Floyd for the last 35 years. Pink Floyd is in a league of its own. Everything else is just there." When he's not working (which is a very, very rare occurrence), Jibli is most likely either asleep or performing his routine one hour of cardio per day. On a recent trip to Australia, where his cell phone was conveniently out of commission, Jibli finally had the opportunity to relax. He finished In The Blink Of An Eye, which he says "has been sitting on my shelf for I think three years now. I read it on the airplane back from Australia. I find a bit of a truth in his theory. But it's arguable." He also went to see Inglourious Basterds, but "really did not like it."

Jibli knows that New Year's Eve, despite the hype, isn't really about tables or bottle service, but the people you spend it with. This year, he's going to be celebrating at one of his favorite spots in the city: his own restaurant. "We are having 2 seatings. The second is at 8:30, and we're having an after party at 11. At 11 I'll probably have more friends with me, like a couple of hundred of my friends that have ended up staying in the city. And we're going to have a party until 3 or 4." Wherever 2010 takes him, we're sure Jibli is going to be doing what he does best: bringing people together for a good time.

Photos courtesy of Barbounia.com

It looks like change is in store for Thanksgiving Day 2009. For example, New York City has been celebrating Thanksgiving with the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade since in 1924. Tomorrow, for the first time since the parade's inception, it is changing its route and heading down 7th Avenue instead of Broadway. Also, tomorrow I'm having my first "orphan" Thanksgiving with friends instead of the traditional family get-together. And though I know I'll miss sitting at the table lit by my father's porcelain giraffe candlesticks, eating a lot of rasperry Jello and drinking rosé, I'm pretty pumped about all the changes this year has brought. This Thanksgiving, don't forget to tell your friends and family (near and far) that you love them. And whatever it is you've got planned for turkey day '09, we hope it's awesome. 

On November 22^nd, the Museum Of Modern Art opens its Tim Burton exhibition to the public. Burton is perhaps best known for his Gothic cinematic genius, which has brought us iconic classics including Beetle Juice, Edward Scissorhands, and the decrepitly lovable Nightmare Before Christmas.

His lesser known, yet equally creative youth saw Burton creating a series of sketches and artwork, some of which went on to become the focal point of his notorious pieces, and others that represent unrealized projects. The exhibition will show examples of his non-film based work as a story-teller and graphic artist; with mediums including drawings, paintings, storyboards, digital and moving-image formats, puppets and maquettes, props, costumes, ephemera, sketchbooks, and cartoons.

Pre-opening ‘behind the scenes tours’ are available on the 19^th and 22^nd of November, which include a one hour private tour of the collection, followed by a screening of Beetle Juice. Tickets run at $55 and are likely to sell out fast.

What do Moscow, a DJ team from Brooklyn, and impressionistic abstract painting have in common?

The latest offering from the Guggenheim museum for their Art After Dark special. This Friday, explore the works of Russian-born Wassily Kandinsky, famous as much for his richly colorful impressionist and abstract paintings, as he was for being influenced and inspired by music. The evening will be accompanied by music from the Brooklyn born duo of Nick Millhiser and Alex Frankel who currently go by the name of Holy Ghost! (I thought there had to be three of them, but my religious knowledge is Pagan at best). The event occurs once a month, and has steadily been increasing in popularity. The Kandinsky exhibition has been described sensational, and the appointment of the paintings has been greeted with great success. The museum now warns that for the months of November and December, this event will have a strict capacity limit, and priority access will be given to members of the museum. Maybe it’s a ploy to get you to buy into the museum, or maybe we are more cultured a society than I originally gave credit to. Either way, I wish I could give you more information, but getting anybody at the museum to actually answer a phone and answer my questions appears harder than getting Barack Obama, Salam Fayyad and BB Netanyahu to play a friendly game of ‘your bomb, my bomb’.